The following Facepalms have been awarded to the following Detroit Lions for their on-field actions during the loss to the New Orleans Saints.

Gentlemen, enjoy. You EARNED them...

TWFE'S NFL WEEK 1 FACEPALM AWARDS

Facepalm #1 - Matthew Stafford: Rookie or not, you throw 3 picks, you get yourself a Facepalm.

Facepalm #2 - Defensive Coordinator Gunther Cunningham: There's a play used by teams having trouble generating a pass rush with only their down linemen. In case you didn't know, it's called a "LINEBACKER BLITZ." It's known to be a quite effective play call, especially when your both your best defensive players and pass rushers are your LINEBACKERS! Come get your Facepalm, please.

Facepalm #3 - Louis Delmas: 15 yard personal foul penalty for throwing a hissy fit, knocking the ball out of Jeremy Shockey's hands after giving up a TD, is stupid. Interfering with a referee, while you are on the SIDELINES, getting yourself another 15 yard personal foul, is..well...stupider! In this case being a rookie is no excuse. TD fumble return be damned, such blatant stupidity will get yourself a Facepalm every time.

Facepalm #4 - Offensive Coordinator Scott Linehan: How do you design an offense which totally ignores your stud number one draft pick, one of the top rated prospects at his position in years, tight end Brandon Pettigrew. Pettigrew did not have a catch, as the ball was NEVER THROWN TO HIM. That's worthy of a Facepalm in my book.

The Special Achievement in Suck Facepalm - The offensive line: Inexcusable false start penalties stalling drives in the end zone. Giving Kevin Smith absolutely no holes to run through. Having three of the highest paid players on the team (Churilus, Backus, Raiola), yet performing at an unacceptable level..a level known as "Suck." The only reason the offensive line doesn't look totally inept is thanks to the Lions defensive line being even worse! Facepalms all around!

The Facepalm of God-Awfulness - The defnesive line: Absolutely no pass rush + Drew Brees having the time to read "War and Peace" in the pocket + Inability stop the run + A 3rd string, journeyman running back rushing for 143 yards = Facepalm

The Just Because Facepalm: William Clay Ford: The 18 consecutive losses are ultimately your own damn fault. I hope you drop your Facepalm Award, and break your richer-than-I-could-ever-imagine-being little toe. Then you might have an small idea as to the pain you've caused fans.

I expect a fresh batch of award winners this Sunday, as hilarity will ensue while the Lions attempt to slow down Vikings running back Adrian Peterson. Should be...excruciating to watch.

It was finally time to talk some serious hockey again last night on “The Knee Jerks”, my weekly sports gabfest with Greg Eno from GregEno.com, Out of Bounds, the Bleacher Report and too many other entities to mention!

Our guest was the man I like to call “The Godfather” of hockey blogging, Paul Kukla of Kukla’s Korner.

Paul joined us for a review of the Red Wings’ off-season, and what to look for during training camp. We didn’t stop there. We pressed on, asking Paul to name us some key players for 2009-10 and where he sees the Red Wings ending up next spring.

(Note: Paul's glass is half full, which should reassure lots of Red Wings followers)

After Paul gave us his rich insight, Eno and I got to chatting.

We began with the Tigers—I'm on Eno's bandwagon, agreeing the Tigers have all but sewn up the division—and their post-season chances. Then it was time to talk some football, U-M and Lions style. We dissected Michigan’s big win over Notre Dame (is Tate Forcier a Heisman candidate of the future? Hey, if there can be--you older folks will get it--a "Huckleby for Heisman" campaign, why not "Tate for Heisman?") and the Lions’ garish loss in New Orleans.

Finally, it was time for the requisite Jerks of the Week. Eno's wasn’t sports related, but when you hear who it was, I think you’ll understand!

Fun times, as always!

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, for updates on scheduled guests, time changes, etc.

Some highlights:

Big Al

On U-M freshman QB Tate Forcier: “Forcier for Heisman in a couple of years? Looks like RichRod might have found his Pat White.”

On the Tigers’ chances in the playoffs against the Yankees: “Don’t forget that it’s a shorter series, so anything can happen. We didn’t think they’d beat the Yankees in 2006, either.”

On the bullpen: “Do you make Brandon Lyon the closer now? He’s been lights out since May. How about next year? The Tigers might lose BOTH Lyon and Fernando Rodney to free agency. I think I’d rather keep Lyon, because Rodney might be easier to replace.”

On the Lions coach Jim Schwartz: “Jim Schwartz LOOKS like a head coach. He did a pretty good job of game management in New Orleans. Unfortunately, he’s been put in a shitty situation!”

Eno

On Forcier: “Enjoy him now. That win over Notre Dame was huge. But there’ll be a game where he just blows up, because he’s so young. But if he’s for real, Michigan should win a lot of football games over the next four years.”

On the Tigers: “They lost five games in a row and only lost a game-and-a-half off their lead. That’s an indictment of the division. They’re going to win the division. And if they’re going to beat the Yankees, it’s more likely to happen in a 3-of-5 than a 4-of-7.”

On the bullpen dynamic: “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Keep Lyon as the set-up man for those tough outs in the seventh and eighth innings. I hope the Tigers don’t lose both of them to free agency. Ryan Perry isn’t ready yet to assume a bigger role. He’s too erratic.”

On the Lions: “The revamped defense was shockingly like last year’s. I think Matthew Stafford had the usual first game jitters. The Lions need to give him a running game, somehow.”

To listen to the show, you have several options: You can click on the player in the right sidebar, subscribe via RSS, go to the show page for an on demand stream or direct download the MP3 version, or you can subscribe/download the show through the Zune Marketplace or iTunes, just by search for "The Knee Jerks" in the respective client!

I'll always have issues with the Detroit Lions front office when it comes to...well, damn near everything. But this Sunday, the Lions franchise is doing, unquestionably, the right thing.

As reported by the Freep:

On Sunday at Ford Field, Harwell will be a Lions honorary captain for the home opener against the Vikings and take part in the ceremonial coin toss.

I hope Ernie is the good luck charm the Lions desperately need.

The Detroit Tigers will also be honoring Harwell, as he will be their guest of honor Wednesday night. He will thank the fans sometime during the game, though it will not be in a formal ceremony. (That's per Ernie's wishes, according MLB's Detroit beat writer, Jason Beck)

Kudos to both the Lions and Tigers for allowing the fans to thank the terminally ill Ernie Harwell one final time.

Words cannot describe how sad I'll feel when the inevitable arrives. Till then, please take the opportunity to let Enrie know just how much he's loved in Detroit.

It's Monday, so you know what that means? Not a Lions post mortem...not yet, anyway. Need I remind you Monday means it's time for The Knee Jerks? Well, consider yourselves reminded!

On today's show: With the Red Wings starting training camp in Traverse City this week, we Knee Jerks (Greg Eno and myself) thought it would be a great time to talk hockey. And who better to talk hockey than today’s guest. He is one of the Internet’s blogging pioneers, the man behind the Kukla’s Korner blogging empire, the top web destination for any fan of the NHL, Michigan’s own Paul Kukla.

In addition to Paul’s main KK blog, the Korner also hosts one of the best Red Wings blogs on the web, Abel to Yzerman, along with 10 other hockey blogs. While you can find most of his writing at KK, Paul also has a column which can be found at NHL.com. Paul’s an avowed fan of the Red Wings, so we’ll have an early preview their coming season. Expect plenty of NHL talk in general, as who wouldn’t want to vent their spleen over the worst run league in sports, and the NHL's controversial commissioner, Gary Bettman? We'll get Paul's thoughts on the state of the sports blogosphere as well!

After speaking with the Godfather of hockey blogging, we'll move on to the hottest topics in Detroit sports, including: The past week of the Detroit Tigers, from their 5 game losing streak, to the sudden need for a 5th starter (it's going to be Eddie Bonine, but still...) due to injuries to Jarrod Washburn, Armando Galarraga and Nate Robertson. Let's not forget football, both Wolverines and Lions style. We'll discuss Michigan's huge win over the evil empire known as Notre Dame, and the Lions suffering their 18th consecutive loss at the hands of Drew Brees and the New Orleans Saints.

Along with Red Wings, Tigers, Lions and Wolverines talk, we'll also name our respective Jerk of the Week!

Head over to our show page at 11PM every Monday night for the latest and greatest in sports talk...sports talk with a Detroit attitude!

First off, links to the live blogging:

1st quarter, 2nd quarter, 3rd quarter, 4th quarter.

Moving on...

What did we know about the Detroit Lions before the season ever started?

1. The defense is going to be bad. Real bad. Painfully bad. Cover your eyes bad.

2. Matthew Stafford, talented though he may be, strong arm and all, is an early entry rookie QB being asked to run a bad team.

3. Jim Schwartz, smart though he may be, as successful and experienced a defensive coordinator he may have been, is a head coach for the very first time.

4. The defense is going to blow goats.

5. The offensive line, though having played together (save for Daniel Loper) all of last season, isn't all that talented.

6. The offense is going to score points, but the defense is going to give up even more.

7. The defense is so bad, your blood pressure will spike, and make your head hurt and nose bleed.

8. Calvin Johnson needs the ball in his hands as often as possible.

9. The Lions will have trouble getting Johnson the ball.

10. The defense is going to be beyond putrid.

So what, exactly, did we see against the Saints we weren't already expecting? Nothing, really.

Stafford showed flashes, but made all kinds of rookie mistakes, throwing 3 picks, and several more ugly passes. The Lions did score points, 27, which is more than they scored in any game all of '08. The offensive line had trouble opening any holes for the running game, caused Stafford to deal with more pressure than a rookie should and committed some inexcusable penalties in the red zone. Calvin Johnson made big plays, averaging 30 YPC, but in the end, Megatron only caught 3 passes.  Jim Schwartz made the right calls when it came to red flags, used the clock correctly, didn't waste time outs, made his case to the refs often, and won a few arguments, a total 180 from Mr. I Believe In The Invisible. But Schwartz's defensive scheme, as implemented by coordinator Gunther Cunningham, couldn't have stopped a Pop Warner team today (Remember an obscure defensive play called a "Blitz?" Could you run one occasionally?).

And the Detroit defense? Words can't describe how bad it was, but we expected what we saw.  The Lions would have given up 52 if Reggie Bush's late TD wasn't called back on a hold. There was no pass rush, allowing Drew Brees, a very good QB, to do whatever he wanted.

Am I correct in everything I said? Thought as much.

This is coming from someone who has been as hard on the Lions as anyone, but IT'S ONLY ONE GAME! I can't believe yours truly, Mr. EVERYBODY PANIC, who loses his mental shit during every Lions live blog, is trying be the voice of reason.

But when I read tripe like the following, via Cold Hard Football Facts, on Stafford...

"In a best-case scenario, he enjoys a Jim Plunkett-like rejuvenation with another team later in his career."

I have to again say to stop and think, then please, please, please remember, IT'S ONLY ONE GAME! ONE LOUSY GAME!

To say Matthew Stafford is a bust, or Jim Schwartz is going to fail as a head coach, after just one game is fucking moronic! Sheer lunacy. I'm sorry, but it's true.

The Lions are still a bad team, still the dregs of the league, and still suffering from 8 seasons of Matt Millen's blundering around as GM. This is a mess that is not going to be fixed anytime soon. Not in one offseason. Likely not in two.

Am I happy with how Stafford played, or with the embassarring defense? Oh Hell no! But I also expected it.

I'll also admit I did see some improvement. Where, you ask? Amazingly enough, on special teams! The return game was damn effective, and coverage was solid.

Want more? Louis Delmas has a nose for the ball, Calvin Johnson is a MONSTER, things were competently run on the sidelines, the team didn't roll up and die after going down 14-0, all of which we didn't see in '08.

So let's keep it in perspective. All is not lost. Even after one lousy game.A VERY lousy game.

Now if we're seeing this same old shit in game 14? I'll be joining you with the pitchforks and torches as we storm the Lions' Allen Park HQ...

...soon to be 18.

We're back for the final 15 minutes of living Hell...

Big play coming up, Saints have 3rd and short, could the Lions get the stop? Uh...no.

Bell powers the ball to the 40. Brees rolls right, it's Colston for the 1st down in Detroit territory. Oh fucking Hell...

Bell again, powers his way to the Detroit 37, goes over 100 yards on the day. Bell again, he's to the 30. Lions can't stop him, either.

Bell carries again, goes left, cuts back right, dragged down by a horsecollar tackle...no flag!

Brees gets the 1st down on a pass to the 15.Bell wide left, runs out of bounds...FLAG! Ernie Sims hits him 5 yards outside the field. MORON! MORON! MORON!

15 yards, 1st and goal from the 6. Brees to Evans gets 3. Can Brees get his 6th TD pass? I wouldn't bet against it.
Under 10 minutes left. I'm not sure I can make it...

(Blogging crisis taking place!)

Well folks, I started living blogging the 4th, got up during a commercial break, and I lost much of what I had written as my blogging software doesn't SAVE TEXT if you accidentally hit "back." I'm a bonehead. FUCK ME HARD!

Anyway, Brees threw a screen pass for his 6th TD, and the Saints now lead 45-27. FUCK ME HARD.

I HATE THE LIONS! //hits save//

Not that you missed much, other than Brees throwing his 6th TD pass, and Stafford throwing his 3rd INT. Oh yeah, Louis Delmas returned a fumble for a TD, and Aaron Brown had a LONG kickoff return.

But with 4 minutes left, and the Saints leading 3 scores, all the 4th quarter action has essentially been moot. The Lions cannot stop Brees. That's the story of the game, as the former Boilermaker has 358 yards in the air, and the aforementioned 6 TD's. Not that Mike Bell has been chopped liver, with 136 yards rushing while averaging over 5 YPC.

We hit the 2 minute warning with Bush getting a 1st down inside the Detroit 5 yard line.

FOX comes back just in time to see Bush score...No, there's a flag! Holding Saints... Bring the ball back to the 14.

Clock is running, just over a minute left, Saints give the ball to Bush again, gets nothing. Clock continues to run...

Bell runs wide, cuts in, gets nothing, clock runs out.

Saints win a wild one, 45-27, though the score is a tad closer than the game really turned out to be. The Saints offense could do anything and everything it wanted. Drew Brees had time to set up, throw, call for a pizza and recycle the box, as the Lions D could get NO pressure on the passer.

How dominant was New Orleans? The Saints had a 300 yard passer, A 100 yard rusher (Bell) and a 100 yard receiver (Henderson). Oh yeah, Jeremy Shockey came back from the dead to score 2 TD's as well.

As for the Matthew Stafford experiment? Didn't work today, as the kid only completed 43% of his passes, and had a QB rating of 27.4. Let's not forget the 3 picks. We have to hope the growing pains Stafford undergoes in games like today's pay off in the long run.

But it's going to be painful as Hell in the short run. Schwartz has made his decision, he has no choice but to ride it out. But I'm not going to come down hard on Schwartz or the kid, both helming their first NFL games. If you really want to play the blame game, then point directly at the Lions' horrific defense. Then again, we knew the defense going into the game was just that, horrific.

It's going to be a long, Long. LONG season, folks. Detroit is at 18 losses in a row, and counting. 8 more to tie the Buccaneers' record.

...the more they stay the same.

2nd half warning: The live blogs often contain VERY ADULT LANGUAGE. Proceed with caution if you have virgin eyes.

The Lions are a long way from being a good team. Even an average team. This is a bad team. Stafford is playing like a rookie, and the defense is offensive. But it;s only game 1, and the Lions weren't going to change their fortune in only one offseason.

This is a work in progress, and I want to see improvement. I think we did see some, in the Lions coming back from a 14-0 deficit, making the game 14-10 early in the 2nd quarter. Then it all fell apart.

Let's see if the Lions can put the pieces back together before I have a coronary.

I was worried, as I was starting to sweat. Turns out I just needed to turn on the A/C. I swear the Lions are doing their best to off me.

Aaron Brown back to take the kick...finds a small hole...fights his way to the Detroit 29.

Stafford throwing on 2nd and 6, ANOTHER LOW ASS THROW! CJ can't hold on at the 40. Shit...

Stafford's ball is acting as if it have a turf magnet inside. Everything is short of the receiver.

Injury TO, a Saint is down.Waiting for the meds to kick in...

3rd and 6, Stafford in the gun...Looks for CJ crossing the middle...caught...BREAKS A TACKLE...CJ IS OFF TO THE RACES! GOGOGOGOGO! 64 YARD TD!YESYESYES!

WHAT? HE STEPPED OUT OF BOUNDS? You gotta be kidding me! Refs say Megatron's out around the 4...

Red flag is immediately tossed by The Schwartz! Replays look...inconclusive.

The refs just said something that made ABOSLUTELY NO SENSE? Whatever happened, it was called unreviewable. 1st and goal at the 4, Lions get it by the short hairs...again.

Smith up the gut, gets one. Felton into the line, gets jack shit.

Stafford looks for CJ...2 Saints hanging all over him! Incomplete! Come on...LATE FLAG! going to be interference on the Saints. Nope, it's a personal foul on the Saints, a blow to CJ's head! Either way, half the distance to the goal, and 1st down. I didn't see anything, let laone a forearm, to Johnson's head, Lions get a gift.

Smith up the gut...stuffed...BALL? Saints have it, refs call Smith DOWNDOWNDOWN! And there's another personal foul on NOLA! What the Hell? Whatever, the Lions get ANOTHER 1st and goal.

PLEASE DON'T RUN THE FUCKING BALL, OK?

The Schwartz doesn't listen to me...Stafford sneak...TOUCHDOWN! And there's NO FLAGS! Took forever, and a few weird calls, but it's now 28-17 Saints...

I'm back, had an internet connection issue on the lovely GF's PC. I think the time is coming where we'll have to replace her ancient Dell...

Saints at their 27, Bell gets a yard. Swing pass to Bush...gets to the stick...BALL! Crap, he's ruled down by contact! 3rd and 1.

The Schwartz with the red flag! Replays show a possible Bush fumble! And we go to commercial. Fuck you, FOX!

At least this regime is throwing the challenge flag when they have a chance of actually getting the call. Marinelli used to throw the damn flag at the oddest damn times...

Refs rule his ELBOW hits the ground first.

Bell wide left...BIG FUCKING HOLE! He's taken down at the Lions 43.ARRRRGGH!

I'm telling you, the Lions want to kill me. It's a fucking conspiracy.

Saints driving, at the Lions 28. False start Saints? I thought that was only called against the Lions...

2nd and 14, pass to Meachum just short of the stick. Trent Green notes Henry gave the WR a good 10 yard cushion.It was more like 15, but whatever...

Brees to throw on 3rd down, tipped at the line. 4th down. At least the Lions will hold NOLA to a FG attempt.

Carney nails it from 39, 31-17 Saints. Lions still down 2 scores. I'm still down on the Lions...

6:11 left in the 3rd, Brown takes the kick at the 2...makes a move at the 20....a Saint misses...THERE"S A SEAM! BROWN IS OFF TO THE RACES...CAUGHT FROM BEHIND AT THE SAINTS 12! FUCK, YES!

KEEP KWAN?

Stafford to FitzSimmons! 1st down at the 1!!!!

Smith between the tackles, get half a yard. The Lions get no push at all.

2nd and goal...NO! False start on Loper! FUCK US ALL!

2nd and goal from the 6...

Stafford to throw...pressure...rolls right...and throws it into the ground in front of Calvin Johnson. SHIT!  Stafford continues to throw low and short.

Stafford to throw again...Bryant Johnson is open...OVERTHROWN! Stafford is trying to kill me... Another red zone possession comes up snake eyes.

Hanson hits the chip shot, 31-20 Saints.

Stafford's stats: 10-24-131-0 TD-1 INT Yep, he a rookie.

Saints return the kickoff all the way to their 41. FIRE KWAN! I'm off the bandwagon...

Brees back to throw...Henderson has a step on the backfield...He gone.

TD Saints, Brees with his 5th TD of the day. 38-20 Saints.

Game over.

It's not as if I thought the Lions could win, but still...losing sucks.

Lions take over at the 16, Stafford to the other Johnson for a 1st down at the 35. Stafford to BJ  for 10 more.

Red flag from Sean Payton, this looks like it's going to be overturned.

Brees stats: 21-28-305-5 TD's-0 INT- 134.7 QB rating.

Get used to it folks, QB's are going to be putting up eye popping numbers against the Lions this season...just like last season.

2nd and 10, Stafford throws it into a crowd, looking for Johnson. Incomplete. 3rd and 10.

Stafford to throw...pump fake...throws...right to a Saint! Hit the LB right in the fucking numbers...

Saints give it to Bell...hit at the line...BALLBALLBALL! DELMAS! IS! GONE! TD LIONS! What the Hell did I just see? The Lions actually score on a turnover? Something we never saw last season!

Hanson PAT is good, 38-27 Saints. The Lions continue to hang around...now if the defense could keep playing well, and...Nah, never happen.

The Saints just need to keep the ball in Brees' hands. They'll start at the 22.

Christ, I have a headache from my whip-lashing emotions...

Brees pass, Bell run, 3rd and 2. NEED A 3RD DOWN STOP! Please?

And that's the end of 3, Saints 38, Lions hanging around with 27.

One more quarter of pain/pleasure to go...

We start the 2nd quarter with the Lions in the red zone, facing a HUGE 3rd and 8. In the past, this is where the Lions would normally settle for a FG.

Stafford under center...deep drop...throws off his back foot...it's Smith, 4 yards short of the sticks...makes a move...DIVES...he's just fucking short by a yard!ARRRRGH! I thought he had it!

Lions going for it? Apparently so! I like The Schwartz's thinking, as the Lions have nothing to lose, right?

TO Detroit. I guess they now want to talk about it...

Lions bunched up...Stafford fakes handoff to the FB, pitch to Smith left...NO ONE NEAR HIM! SMITH STRUTS INTO THE END ZONE! Wonderful damn call!

After the PAT, 14-10 Saints.

Hating life and the Lions a tad less...

You could hit me with a 2X4, and I wouldn't be anymore stunned. Lions are in the game, after going down 2 TD"s. This isn't Rod Marinelli's Lions...

Saints start at their 19, solid coverage by the Lions special teams... Fire Kwan?

Brees to Evans nets 8. Are the Saints pissed or stunned? They might be both.

Bell off tackle, gets 1. 3rd and short. Can the Lions' D get another stop?

No, they can't. Bell slashes thru the line for 5, and the 1st.

Brees back to throw...play called dead.Offsides on the Lions. Landon Cohen bit on the hard count. Fucking moron.

Saints continue to establish the run. Bell up the gut twice gets the 1st down, after a visit from the chain gang confirms it.

Brees handsoff to Bush...FLEA FLICKER...Brees steps up to avoid the rush, throws deep...

SHIT!!! HENDERSON IS OPEN BY A COUPLE OF STEPS...UNDERTHROWN!

PICK DETROIT! It's Anthony Henry! He brings it back to the Detroit 24!

The play worked, but Brees threw a bad pass. Credit Detroit for making a play!

Smith gets 6 up the gut.

Stafford back...Megatron has a step! Underthown! FUCK ME! 3rd and 4. A good pass has Johnson in the end zone.

Wide, deep handoff to Smith...he never had a chance.

Lions to punt. I DID NOT LIKE THAT FUCKING CALL, DAMMIT.

Bush with the return, is hit...BALLBALLBALL! Hell, Saints recover at their 35. Almost caught a break.,

Stafford's QB rating: 67.2.

Brees QB rating: 108.3.

Stafford is playing like a rookie in his first game.

SHIT! Bell finds a hole, into the secondary, gets 13 to the 48.

Brees to throw...TIP DRILL..ARRRGH! Delmas had the ball in his hands, couldn't hold on! Delmas continues the tradtion of heavy hitting Lions safeties with stone fucking hands.

Bell gets 9, hit HARD by Delmas. He's shaken up.

Brees rolls right...Henderson is open, get inside the 30. 1st down. Come on, make a play on D!

2 Bells runs have the Saints at the Detroit 23, 3rd and 5. Under 6:00 left in the 2nd,

Brees back...steps up...Shockey open in a middle seam, 1st and goal at the 10. Kill me now.

Bush is inside the 5 on a swing pass. Saints knocking on the door.

Bush between the tackles, Lions stuff him! 3rd and goal! A goal line stand in the making? Too much to ask, I know.

Detroit TO, 3:49 left.

I'll say this, last season the Lions go down 14-0, they roll over and get pasted. It didn't happen under The Schwartz.

Brees will throw...FUCK ME! Shockey was wide fucking open, easy toss for a TD. The Lions can't cover a TE? Some things never change, huh?

Delmas penalized for slapping the ball out of Shockey's hand after the TD. Dumb ass rookie mistake. Get a damn grip on your team, Schwartz!

21-10 NOLA.

Lions will start at their 20 after the touchback. 3:45 left in the half.

Stafford to the other Johnson on a slant, 2nd and 2. Clock running.

Smith on a sweep, gets the stick, 1st down. Clock still running.

Stafford to throw...looks downfield...SACK! Vilma was all over the rookie. Stafford had time to unload, may have held onto the ball too long.

NOLA TO. They want the ball back!

2nd and 17.  Stafford to throw, has time...pocket starts to collapse...UNDETHROWN! Heller was open, dammit. Pressure affected the throw.

3rd and forever. 2:32 left.

Stafford drops...throws...PIC...NO! DROPPED! But it was damn near a turnover, Stafford with another very iffy throw.He's playing like a rookie, accuracy isn't there at all,

Bush calls for a fair catch at his own 40. 2:21 left. Lions D needs to step up here. I;\'m not confident they will...

Brees looking deep! Moore with the diving catch at the Detroit 39! SHITFUCK! So much for Detroit rallying from 14 down, the Saints looking to get both those scores back before the end of the half.

2 minute warning. Blood pressure warning as well.

Brees with 171 thru the air, on his way to a 300+ yard day.

2 Brees passes, and the Saints are at the 14, are in the no huddle.

Brees to throw again...Shockey is open in the back of the end zone...bobbled...hit...What is it? FUCK US ALL, it's TD Saints. Come on, Shockey was juggling the ball all the way down!

Wait, we have a booth review! Meh, even if it's overturned, it's just delaying the inevitable. Saints are going to score here, and the Lions can't do a fucking thing about it.

I knew it. I fucking knew it. Play stands as called. Saints up 28-10 with 1:10 left.

Shockey is just plain KILLING the Lions. Then again, ANYONE WHO BREATHES will KILL the Lions...

Lions will start at their 36. 1:03 left. The Lions are doing a good job of harshing my mellow.

Stafford to throw..Yes, it was underthrown again.

Stafford channels his inner Harrington, dumps it off to Smith for 5...he crawls out of bounds, stopping the clock.

Stafford to throw again...batted down at the line. You're killing me, Matt! Just killing me!

Saints to get the ball back with 40 something seconds left...

Bush to field the punt..BALLBALLBALL! GET ON THE MOTHERFUCKING BALL! LIONS RECOVER AT THE NOLA 15!

YES!!!

Fucking figures. False start, Backus. I hate that man.

Stafford back to pass...Looks for CJ at the 5....PICKPICKPICK! SHITSHIT!SHIT! It's brought all the way back over the 50! Flag?

You gotta be kidding me! Lions called for interfering with a ref on the sidelines. Only the God damn Lions could have that called against them. Only the Lions. Ball at the Lions 35.

2nd and 10, Cohen hits Brees in the a head with his forearm, personal foul. YOU FUCKING MORON! He knew it too, as he held his hands in the air, as if that's going to get the refs to hold on to the flag. Fucking dipshit.

Incomplete pass, Bush run, ball at the Lions 15, TO NOLA, 0:07 left. They'll kick the chip shot FG.

Carney to kick...BLOCKED! White with huge penetration up the middle! 0:01 left. Lions stay within...3 whole scores. whoo?

Lions take a knee to end the half. Saints leave the field leading 28-10.

The NFL is all about the quarterback, and this stat says it all:

Stafford's QB rating: 31.3

Brees' QB rating: 131.1

OUCH.

Well, can we consider this one over? //shakes TWFE Magic 8 ball// "All signs point to YES."

Back after the half. I need my meds...

Warning: The live blogs often contain VERY ADULT LANGUAGE. Proceed with caution if you have virgin eyes.

Some pregame linkage:

Ty tells us at The Lions in Winter he'll be at his 10 year high school class reunion today, but is with we Lions fans in spirit! Nothing makes you feel older than a class reunion...

The Roar Report's Blue Blog says the Lions will...win? They are obviously a glass is half full bunch.

Restore the Roar predicts the NFC, and has the Lions winning 7 games! Optimism rules on opening day!

Eno looks back to the debut of Barry Sanders at Out of Bounds. It was 20 years ago? Christ, now I'm really feeling old...

We have our inactives for the Lions and Saints, per PFT:

Detroit: CB Kevin Hobbs, OT Jon Jansen, OG Manny Ramirez, CB Phillip Buchanon, DT Orien Harris, Drew Stanton is listed as the 3rd QB.

New Orleans: RB Pierre Thomas, S Usama Young, WR Rod Harper, DT Remi Ayodele, LB Jonathan Casillas, OT Jammal Brown, TE Darnell Dinkins, C Nick Leckey.

Losing Buchanon huts, big time. Williams has been a huge disappointment as a 3rd round draft pick. Could he be the first bust of the Mayhew/Schwartz era?

20 minutes and counting 'til the debut of the new look Detroit Lions led by The Schwartz and Matthew Stafford...

It's been 9 long months since we've seen the Detroit Lions play a regular season game. It hasn't been long enough, I fear. But the season is here, and so is TWFE's live blog!

The Lions are live from NOLA, I'm live from my living room, and we join FOX's Chris Meyers and Trent Green at the giant bunker known as the Superdome...which is sold out.

30 seconds into the broadcast, we hear "0-16!" YES! Fuckin' A, FOX! Way to dredge up bad memories...

We're nearing kickoff, and FOX has managed to squeeze in 2 commercial breaks. I see they are already in midseason form.

We're FINALLY ready for the kickoff. Saints won the toss, and took the A/C. Uh, rather, they will receive.

Shot of Megatron on the sidelines, he looks ready to eat corners...

Hanson with the kick, taken at the 5, and it's brought back to the Saints 47! JEBUS CHIRST FUCKING ALMIGHTY! FIRE KWAN!!!!!!

I HATE THESE SONSOBITCHES!

Brees with a quick hitter to Henderson, 1st damn down in Detroit territory. Blood pressure rising...

Brees to throw again...it's Bush at the Lions 14. URGE TO KILL RISING!

Bell inside handoff...inside the 10. Saints doing ANYTHING they want, but we knew that would happen going in, right?

Bush is stuffed at the line. Lions make a stop? Praise fucking be!

Brees to throw on 3rd and short...steps up, little pressure...COLSTON WIDE OPEN IN THE BACK OF THE END ZONE. Touchdown Saints.

PAT is good, Saints up 7-0, and didn't break a sweat.

I HATE LIFE AND THE DETROIT LIONS.

Stafford starts his series at the 20. Ends it at the 24. Well, that fucking sucked. (I had a little more here, but had a browser crash. Yes, it's a Lions Sunday alright.)

After a Harris punt, Saints start at their 45. Bell with an inside handoff, moves the pile 7 yards.

STILL HATING THE LIONS!

Brees to throw, hits Colston for the 1st down. Flag? Fuck, it's offsides on the Lions. Dewayne White, thank you so fucking much!

Brees to throw on 1st down...play action, sets up camp in the pocket...NO PRESSURE AT ALL...Touchdown Saints. Meachem was open, easy pitch and catch.

PAT is thru, 14-0 Saints.

The more things change, the more they stay the same. Lions down 2 scores,and there is still 9:34 left in the 1st quarter. Where's my antacid?

Lins start their 2nd drive at the 20. YES! Stafford to Johnson on a quick hitter, CJ all the way to the 41!

Smith gets 4, picking his way thru the line. OK, this is a LITTLE better. KEEP THE DEFENSE OFF THE FIELD!

Another quick drop, short pass to Johnson, leaves 3rd and 1. Let's convert, huh?

It's FB Terrelle Smith in the backfield, bulls his way for the 1st down. OK then...

Quick play action, screen to Smith, gets 12! Lions deep in Saints territory at the 35.

Stafford looks for Megatron, overthrows Stalin...uh, overthrows Eveline.

More trickeration! Aaron Brown takes a pitch, gets the corner, 9 yard gain! Nice.

3rd and 1, pitch to Smith. EPIC FAIL. Smith loses 3. Fuck me.

Will the Lions kick the figgie? Hanson is out on the field, bad knee and all. He DRILLS it dead center. Lions are on the board!

14-3 Saints. Whoo?

QB comparison:

Brees: 5-5-95-2 TD-0 INT

Stafford: 4-6-42-0-0

Good coverage on the kickoff...for once...Saints will start at their 18.

FOX is being FOX, another commercial break.

Chris Meyers: "Lions want to keep this from getting out of control." You mean it isn't already? What game is he watching?

Saints run and pass nets 1, 3rd and long. NEED A FUCKING STOP!

Movement, false start, Saints. w00t!

Brees to throw...he has time...lots of time...more time...Henderson at the sticks, but he backtracks! Lions stop hum short of the 1st down! Brain fart on Henderson's part. GOT A FUCKING STOP!

Saints punt, Lions take over at their own 32 after a Northcutt 12 yard return.

Stafford with a short drop on 2nd and 9, Heller..drops the fucking pass. SHIT. Where's Pettigrew?

3rd and long. Stafford in the gun...looks for CJ, throws the pass into the Gulf. Yes, it was that far overthrown.

Harris to punt, BOOMS IT...it's Bush all the way back at the 15...but loses 5 on the return! FIRE KWAN?

Bell moves the pile again on 1st down, 2nd and 4. Brees to Shockey gets 1. 3rd and 4. NEED ANOTHER STOP!

1:30 left in the 1st. Brees back...looks for Colston...INCOMPLETE! 4th down, Saints will punt.

Northcutt gathers it in at the 40...There's a SEAM! He's off, and run out of bounds at the Saints 14! He caught the ball in traffic, and made a play! There's a flag, it's on NOLA!

Wow, a return man who can return? What a concept!

Smith catches a pass for a couple, stuffed for a loss on a run, 3rd and 8. Need this...

But the clock runs out on the quarter.

Still hate the Lions, just not quite as much.

On to the 2nd quarter with the Lions on the move...

Kickoff: Sunday, September 13, 1 p.m. EDT
Stadium: Louisiana  Superdome
Television: WJBK-TV FOX Ch.2
Play-By-Play: Chris Meyers
Color: Trent  Green
Lions Radio Network Flagship: 97.1 FM The Ticket (WXYT-FM)
Play-By-Play: Dan Miller
Color: Jim  Brandstatter
Sidelines: Tony Ortiz
2009 Preseason Records: Lions, 3-1; Saints 3-1
2008 Records: Lions, 0-16; Saints 8-8

What I'm watching: NFL football, and the Detroit Lions! Though I'm not sure they are one and the same...

Our true national pastime, the NFL is back, and I feel fine. Then I realize this also means the Lions are back, and I suddenly feel sick to my stomach.

I've been mostly positive about the Lions this past off season. I've been fairly complimentary regarding the personnel moves Jim Schwartz and Martin Mayhew made since January. Considering they were left nothing but smoking ruins and scorched earth manned by players who would have trouble making an AFL2 team, I cut the new regime some serious slack.

The time for slack has passed. The time for the Lions to show some serious improvement is nigh. Hell, even a little improvement would be acceptable. First and foremost though, what I want to see is a win.

But that win is not going happen against the Saints. Why?

The Lions defense is awful. Not historically, legendarily awful, like last season, but awful all the same. Detroit's D sure as Hell won't be able to stop Saints QB Drew Brees from cutting them into tiny, little, confetti-like shreds with his arm. The new, Schwartz schemed defense is unfinished, a work in progress which won't start getting the players it needs till the coming off season, a good 6 months away.

Rome wasn't built in a day, and a defense coming off a season in which they gave up the 2nd most points in NFL history can't be fixed in one season. It's impossible. Won't happen.

At least the Lions' offense has weapons at it's disposal, specifically Calvin Johnson's hands, and Kevin Smith's legs.  But can rookie QB Matthew Stafford, bazooka-like arm and all, utilize those weapons any better than the 5 QB's who worked under center during the past season of our discontent? Not at first, and not consistently. I'm sure I'll be singing a different song in 2010 or 2011. But it's 2009, and Stafford is, as the New Orleans defense considers Stafford nothing more than "fresh meat."

I'm positive we'll see flashes of Stafford's prodigious talent, enough to put points on the scoreboard. But we'll also see a 21 year old kid struggle to acclimate himself to the speed and talent of NFL defenses. We'll see passes bad enough to even make fans who refuse to take off their Honolulu blue and silver glasses cringe in sheer horror. What we'll see is an unfinished work in progress.

We'll also see another painful, aggravating loss. 17 in a row, and counting.

Prediction: Between 1 and 4:15 on Sunday, expect my language to be blue, and my mood to be foul.

You'll see plenty of the following from me...

ANGER!

SHOCK!

SORROW!

WTF DID I JUST SEE?

Such is life as a Lions fan.

Live blogging to commence Sunday at 1PM EDT.