| 17 November 2009
You know the drill. As it's Tuesday, it's once again time for another edition of my NFL power rankings. I've somehow managed to remain a member in good standing with Bloguin, allowing me to submit a ballot for NFL week 10 of the Bloguin Blogpoll NFL Power Rankings.
Disclaimer time! Please remember, I'm just a dumb ass blogger who's making it up as I go along, and only gets to see 3 games at most every Sunday (and one of those is always the Lions).
This week's game count: 3.
Obviously, I watched every snap of the Lions - Vikings game. I'm scarred for life, and now mentally unbalanced, but I watched every snap. I was too mentally exhausted to jump right into the 4 PM games, though I did see most of the 2nd half of Green Bay beating Dallas. Hey, I enjoy a little schadenfreude when it comes to the overrated Cowboys as much as anyone. If you lived through the "America's team" BS of the 70s, you'd be taking joy in any Dallas loss, trust me.
Of course, like the rest of NFL nation, I tuned into the Colts - Pats matchup Sunday night. I reveled in a little more schadenfreude when the most unlikeable prick and home wrecker in all of sports, the insufferable Bill Belichick, had his nationally televised brain cramp. I'm still trying to figure out why he went for it on 4th down deep in his own territory. Well, I understand Belichick's thinking, but it's the sort of thinking which leads to pissed off defenses and losses. Not that I'm a huge Colts fan, but I'll take Peyton Manning beating the asshat Belichick every time. EVERY tme.
Monday night? Browns - Ravens was on in the background, but I refuse to sit through a Browns game when I don't have to...unlike this Sunday, when Cleveland plays Detroit in a battle for the 1st overall draft pick.
With viewing caveats out of the way, I urge you to please take my NFL power rankings with a grain of salt and a huge amount of incredulity.
- New Orleans Saints: Hung on late to beat an unexpectedly tough St. Louis Rams, thanks to Reggie Bush's 2 TDs. Bush has not lived up to his 2nd overall draft status or massive contract, but he has become a deadly red zone specialist for New Orleans.
- Indianapolis Colts: Are 9-0 for one reason, and one reason only. The hubris of Bill Belichick.
- Cincinnati Bengals: The Bengals' defense came up huge against the Steelers. But the win came at a price. Cedric Benson was hurt, so the Bengals signed KC locker room cancer and known headcase Larry Johnson as insurance. Which is like hiring an arsonist to guard your matches.
- Minnesota Vikings: Sunday night, Matt Stafford saw an eggplant, and ran for his life. (It's PURPLE, get it?) The Vikes, led by the Williams Wall, physically dominated the Lions to take a stranglehold on the NFC North lead.
- Pittsburgh Steelers: Ben Roethlisberger had his worst game of the season in the loss to Cincy. But the difference in the game was the Steelers kick coverage. Their Achilles heel gave up their 3rd kickoff return for a TD this season.
- Arizona Cardinals: Have won 5 of 6 to all but clinch the mediocre NFC West. The Cards' once missing in action running game has taken some of the load off of Kurt Warner, as rookie Beanie Wells is averaging over 5 YPC over the past month. In other news, there's a 21 year old man named "Beanie".
- San Diego Chargers: LaDainian Tomlinson had his best game in almost a year with 96 yards, a pair of TDs and a newly preggo wife, as the Bolts won their 4th consecutive game to tie the horribly slumping Broncos for the AFC West lead. Lamentably for San Diego's running game, the laws of nature say Tomlinson's wife can't get pregnant every week.
- New England Patriots: A quote came right to mind when Belichick stupidly went for the 4th down conversion Sunday night; "Pride cometh before the fall."
- Dallas Cowboys: Lost to the Packers in an ugly defensive battle, blowing a chance to take control of the NFC East in the process. Wade Phillips blamed the officials. Could he be any more clueless? Yes, he could. We're talking Wade Phillips, after all.
- Atlanta Falcons: Instead of flying, the Falcons took chartered buses to Carolina, and lost 28-19 to the Panthers. Players claim the change in travel wasn't why they lost. Next week, they take on the Giants in New York. So the Falcons will still bus in, as who in their right mind wants to fly into Newark?
- Philadelphia Eagles: Donovan McNabb had a monster game (450 yards passing) but the Iggles still lost to the Chargers, much in thanks to only 29 yards rushing. Losing Bryant Westbook to a concussion has made Philly a different team. A team that isn't near as good.
- Houston Texans: Had a bye week. No one fumbled.
- Baltimore Ravens: The Ravens beat the Browns 16-0 in a game as boring as it sounds. To celebrate the win, Baltimore...cut their kicker, Steve Hauschka. Blaming a kicker for your troubles is like kicking your own dog when you pass gas.
- Green Bay Packers: Beat the Cowboys on the semi-frozen tundra to get back over .500, and stay withing hailing distance of the Vikings. As long as the weather's cold, the brats hot, the beer flowing and the Packers remain in the wild card hunt, all's good in Wisconsin.
- New York Giants: New York desperately want to end a 4 game losing streak. I desperately want a million dollars. I have a better chance, as I don't have Eli Manning mucking things up.
- Jacksonville Jaguars: I'm not sure how they've done it, but the utterly average Jags remain in the playoff hunt at 5-4. When a parity-addled Pete Rozelle once said a perfect season would mean every NFL team would finish at .500, he must have imagined a league full of Jacksonville's.
- Denver Broncos: Lost to the embattled and not very good Redskins, and may have lost Kyle Orton as well. The Broncos have to beat the Chargers next week to remain relevant in the AFC West. If Denver has to play Chris Simms at QB...irrelevancy is at hand.
- Chicago Bears: As if it couldn't have gotten worse for Jay Cutler in Chicago, he had to go and throw 5 interceptions in a loss to the Niners. I'm running out of "Cutler throws a pick" jokes!
- New York Jets: Losers of 5 of 6, head coach Rex Ryan cried in front of his team in a meeting. Why? I'd cry too if I had to watch the Jets play every Sunday.
- Carolina Panthers: Jake Delahomme hasn't thrown a pick in 3 games. Time to worry, folks. That's one of the seven signs.
- San Francisco 49ers: The Niners kept their playoff hopes alive by picking off Jay Cutler 5 times in a win over the Bears, ending a 4 game losing streak. but they won't face Cutler again, which will all but kill those playoff hopes.
- Miami Dolphins: The Fins had to kick a last second FG in order to beat the bottom feeding Buccaneers. The Wildcat has slowly been de-clawed.
- Tennessee Titans: Have won 3 in a row as Chris Johnson has blossomed into the best back in the NFL.They also have the most ticked off owner, as Bud Adams flipped off Titans fans from his suite. Adams claimed he was just telling fans he thought they were number 1...twice.
- Buffalo Bills: The Bills became to the 1st NFL team to fire their coach this season, as Dick Jauron was given the pink slip on Tuesday. Unfortunately for Bills fans, owner Ralph Wilson has a job for life.
- Seattle Seahawks: Jim Mora turned in 17 plays to the league's officiating office for their consideration after losing to the Cards. Who does he think he is, Wade Phillips?
- Washington Redskins: The Redskins beat the Broncos, ensuring the Jim Zorn vs Dan Snyder 3 ring circus would continue for the foreseeable future.
- Kansas City Chiefs: Beat the Raiders, but Dwayne Bowe has been suspended for 4 games, as he violated NFL policy regarding PEDs. Bowe claimed it was a "weight loss supplement". Can't 'roids users come up with something more original? Say, "God told me to" or "the butler did it".
- Oakland Raiders: After losing to the Chiefs, head coach Tom Cable said he might bench Jamarcus Russell in favor of Bruce Gradkowski or Charlie Frye. Russell, Gradkowski or Frye? Is this one of those "death not an option" questions?
- St. Louis Rams: The Rams gave the Saints all they could handle before losing their 8th game. After the game, head coach Steve Spagnolo spewed the cliche, "There are no moral victories". He also added, "I'm a football coach. What did you expect me to do, quote Shakespeare?"
- Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Tampa's passing offense actually came to life under rookie QB Josh Freeman. The running game is still MIA. So are the Bucs chances of winning another game.
- Cleveland Browns: Brady Quinn took over at quarterback for Derek Anderson, and as we all expected, the Browns were still pitifuly bad. Amazingly enough, Quinn was actually worse than the awful Anderson, putting up 99 yards in the air and a 23.5 QB rating.
- Detroit Lions: The battle for the 1st overall pick in 2010 takes place this Sunday in Detroit, as Cleveland comes to town. If an NFL game is played, but no one is there to watch it...it'll be this Sunday in Detroit.
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