| 29 August 2009
GAME INFORMATION: Colts vs. Lions
Kickoff: Saturday, August 29, 1 p.m. EDT
Stadium: Ford Field
Television: WWJ-TV 62 (CBS)
Play-By-Play: Matt Shepard
Color: Desmond Howard
Sidelines: Charlie Sanders & Steve Courtney
Lions Radio Network Flagship: 7.1 FM The Ticket (WXYT-FM)
Play-By-Play: Dan Miller
Color: Jim Brandstatter (Who will be our special guest on The Knee Jerks Monday, September 7th!)
Sidelines: Tony Ortiz
2009 Preseason Records: Lions, 1-1; Colts 1-1
2008 Records: Lions, 0-16; Colts 12-4
Injuries: As of Friday, The Oakland Press reports CB Anthony Henry (shoulder), CB Phillip Buchanon (neck) and WR Dennis Northcutt (thumb) are out. RB Kevin Smith (bruised hip) and OLB Ernie Sims (ribs) are a game-time decision.
What to expect: As game 3 of the preseason exhibition season is treated as a dress rehearsal for the regular season, expect the Lions to get their asses kicked 3 ways from Sunday on Saturday. Their league worst defense has not improved to the point where it can stop Peyton Manning. Hell, the Lions' D won't be able to even slow him down, or even get in Manning's way. He'll come out throwing, and will slice and dice the Lions thin defensive backfield like a Freddie Kruger on steroids. Expect to have flashbacks to the '04 Turkey Day game.
The Lions' offense should do somewhat better, with the return of Calvin Johnson, and the Lions debuts of Bryant Johnson and Brandon Pettigrew. Will it be enough to make up for a Detroit defense with more holes than I had in my back after surgery? Not even close.
Yes, this is only an exhibition. But it's also a dry run, a week where the coaches treat the game like a regular season meeting. What we see on the field (and on the sidelines from the coaches) this afternoon is what we'll likely see against New Orleans on September 13th. I hope it's not as ugly (on the field, as I think The Schwartz will be fine) as I think it's going to be...
What I'm watching: Mostly players on the Lions' offense, as we'll see some new faces. It'll also take my mind off of that God forsaken, hope crushing, success is not an option, soul shakingly bad, defense.
Daunte Culpepper: I just want to see one thing from the slimmed down (from the size of a '59 Coupe De Ville' to a '75 Eldorado. In other words, Culpepper //in Eric Cartman's voice// isn't fat! He's big boned!) Culpepper. I want to see him MAKE A DAMN PLAY! With the receivers finally healthy, Culpepper needs to stop channeling his inner Joey Blue Skies and throw the ball downfield. Deep downfield.
Calvin Johnson: He's this generation's version of Barry Sanders, an All-World player surrounded by a whirlpool of suck. When the Lions' QB's somehow manage to get Megatron the ball, good things happen. There's no reason for Johnson, other than due to the incompetence of Detroit QB's, to not catch 100+ balls this season. He's a joy to watch, even during an exhibition.
Brandon Pettigrew: We finally get a chance to see why Pettigrew was considered a steal as the 20th pick overall in the '09 draft. I'd love to see the Lions get production from the TE, which hasn't happened since David Sloan had a few solid seasons from '97-'00. Yes, I know the Lions could have drafted a lineman (DT Peria Jerry, OL Michael Oher) on either side of the ball, players who could have filled some gaping roster holes. Holes the Lions still need to fill. But do me a favor, dig through your frontal lobe for plays from the Lions' '08 season, and you'll see Michael Gaines dropping the ball on the turf at some pretty damn inopportune times. Then you'll agree Lions had a large hole to fill at TE as well. Pettigrew has the most talent of any TE to come through Detroit since David Hill. It's time to see some of it.
The wide receivers as a group: Can someone, anyone catch the F'n ball? Is that too much to ask? The wide outs who played in the 2 games previous treated thrown balls as if they were covered with pigskin soaked in CancerAids. They'd do anything in their power to NOT catch the ball. Let's hope the Johnson's change the "Catching passes is bad" philosophy to playing wide receiver.
Matthew Stafford: Let's see if the kid with the $45 million arm learned anything from the Cleveland debacle. Starting with throwing the ball to players wearing Honolulu blue and silver. Here's a cheat sheet: Guys with a Lion on their helmet = Good! No Lion on their helmet = Bad!
Tackling: Someone needs to remind the Lions' defense they are playing a game called TACKLE football. The Lions need to bring the ball carrier down, not wave helplessly at them as they run by untouched by human hands. It's called fundamentals, people. Fundamentals...
Prediction: The Lions are roadkill. They gonna get rolled!
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