| 23 August 2009
I knew the Lions weren't going to be a very good team this season. I'm on record saying they'll win 4 games. But I didn't think they'd be as bad as they were during the Rod Marinelli Era of Invisibility. Unfortunately for Lions fans everywhere, Saturday night's debacle/embarrassment/flashback to '08 gave us not only a facepalm sort of game...
Stafford didn't! Yes, he did...throw a pick on the opening play...
...but a double facepalm sort of game.
Is there any question at all Picard was a Detroit Lions fan?
Watching the Lions whiff on tackles, turn the ball over, breakdown on special teams and generally allow the Browns run roughshod over, through and around them, all I could think of was, "Predicting 4 wins is being crazy generous!"
I even broke out the /facepalm Lion out on Twitter. (Which was full of funny and agnsty Lions fans, by the way)
So In the spirit of the facepalm, I'm going to start a new post game feature at TWFE.
The Facepalm Awards!
Facepalm #1 - Matthew Stafford: I want to cut the kid a little slack, as he had no idea the immense whirlpool of fail he was entering. I still believe Stafford is the most talented QB on the roster. But throwing a pick deep in your own territory on the first play from scrimmage gets you a Facepalm. So will a 14.6 QB rating. Stafford's capable of so much more. I'm of the thought his ugly performance versus a not very good Browns defense was only rookie nerves. But if...God forbid, I'm going there...it wasn't, and Stafford is the next Long/Ware/Harrington, the Lions are in deep, deep trouble...for the next 5 years. As I said on Twitter last night: Matthew Stafford's QB rating for the 1st quarter: 2.8. That's going to be my blood alcohol level if this keeps up...
Facepalm #2 - Stan Kwan's not-so-special teams: You all know my live blog rallying cry: FIRE KWAN! Anytime you put Avieon Cason on the field as your kick returner, when you have rookies to evaluate (Uh, Derrick Williams and Aaron Brown, anyone? Anyone?), it's going to get you a Facepalm. Let alone the God awful kick coverage on Josh Cribbs, who pretty much could do anything he wanted against Kwan's coverage unit. The coverage teams were a smorgasbord of epic, epic fail. FIRE KWAN, indeed.
Facepalm #3 - Jim Schwartz: Not so much for his in-game decision making, but for his asinine handling of the starting QB situation in front of the media in the days nefore the game. Stafford wasn't the "starter," he was just "beginning the game." Please. Don't. Start. With. Semantics. Schwartz, you're better than that, much better. Keep it up, and you'll soon join Rod "I believe in the invisible" Marinelli, Marty "The bar is high" Moronnweg and Bobby "Abandon ship" Ross in the Detroit Lions' Moronic Quote Hall of Fame. Trust me, that's one HOF you don't want to be a part of.
Facepalm #4: Carson Butler and Dewayne White: For their immature and outright brain dead fight on the field during warmups. When I heard about this during the pregame, I was, for lack of a better word, flabbergasted. It's one thing to get fired up before a game. Hell, it's to be expected. But fighting with your own teammate while ON THE FIELD BEFORE THE GAME? The amount of stupidity needed from both parties for a tussle to escalate to fisticuffs is unquantifiable. When you are little more than rookie training camp roster filler, like Butler, you'd think there would be better ways to get the coach's attention. The only attention he will get now is from The Turk when cuts are to be made. As for White, there is no excuse. He knows better. Lucky for him the Lions are desperately thin along the defensive line...
Facepalm #5 - The Lions defense: The Browns hadn't scored an offensive TD in 7 games, They were held scoreless in their last final 6 games in '08, and in their first exhibition of '09. Against the Lions, the Browns offensive offense scored on their opening drive. If that isn't enough to win a Facepalm...But wait, there's more! You needed more than your hands to count all the missed tackles. You needed a calculator! Yes, it was that damn bad. There's no scheme on earth capable of making such talent deficient players good. Or even average. It's going to be a looooong season with a defense this atrocious, folks.
There you have it, people. The 1st ever TWFE Facepalms. I'll be taking nominations after every Detroit Lions loss. Meaning we'll be doing this every week...
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